Still learning...

Yeah, I still don't know what day it is...but I do know which number I am on. I do know what's in the works. I have made a discovery in regard to my artwork. No matter how slow this project is going, I'm still managing to learn so many good lessons.

I trashed my first canvas the other day. I painted it. Hated it. Almost cried. I had some people tell me how cute it was...and that just caused an added conflict. I started to feel unsure. I was upset. When I'm done with a painting, I like to sit it over in the corner, side by side, with my other paintings to see if it looks like us. Are we family? When I look at each piece individually, I want to see a little of me. And when I look at them together, I want to see a little of each one in the other. That just was NOT happening in this case. It looked like I had done it, but it didn't look like me. An impostor. I was frustrated. I painted the entire thing white...and then took a nap. I feel so much better about it, but now I have to start over. WOMP and WOMP.

Someone asked me (something like) how do I know when it's right. I say...you feeeeel it. I swear these paintings talk to me. They say..."SYM, I don't WANT to be blue." And "SYM, I'm not done yet." And "SYM, that feels good." And when I'm done I want them to say... "SYM, I'm PERFECT!!! I love you! You are awesome!!!" I let them tell me how they should be or how they want to be. And that last one was saying loud and clear in her Maury voice "SYM, I know we look a lil bit alike, but you are NOT my mother." *shokked face...ran off the stage crying* Gotta learn to trust my gut. In life and art. Gotta learn not to fear the "beginagain." It's working though. I wrestled it for a little while, but eventually I let out the proverbial "fukk it," covered it and got on with my day. No need to wrestle with she who did not want to be.

On to the next one.