With some distance between where I am now and where I was when I wrote The Confession (Part I), I was no longer feeling the pain. Art became easier. I was happy to create. I was having fun. I was actually enjoying my craft again. When I think about going bakk, I have some apprehension because I remember why I stopped, BUT I don't FEEL the pain. I just remember it. I somehow feel like the time and distance is clouding my judgement (which is why I think people sometimes end up with sorry exes), but once I read the initial post again, the feelings became real again. My reasoning was firm. My choice was valid. I feel like I made the right decision.
In some ways, I really feel like the main issues were the monotony, and I didn't feel validated as an artist. My focus in creating Greek items was to make YOUR vision come to life. I had very few opportunities to create MY own visions. To be appreciated for what I, alone, had come up with. And with so very little time to focus on that, I began to feel burdened with my own ideas. Then to be, in a sense revered for my work, but to have people ask for everything down to minute details, made me feel disrespected as an artist. As if I wasn't trusted to make a great decision about the direction of a piece on my own. Yes, I take it personal. I got stressed. With that being said, with all this extra free time I had, I was able to create the way I wanted and REALLY get to the bottom of the issues I was having with the way things were going.
When 2011 was coming to a close, I took time to look bakk and see what I had done. I initially was focusing on the numbers and how far from 1,000 I managed to make it, but when I considered the full spread of my goals and intentions for the year, I really began to see how much I had really been able to accomplish. I was trying to see what I liked. What was fun for me. What made me happy to be working. Simply put, I was trying to get my joy bakk. I made jewelry, scarves, and a PIGGY BANK! I painted what I wanted. I did what I felt like doing. Taking time away from the Greek stuff really gave me the time and the freedom to explore what gets me going and I'm so glad I made that choice.
I have spent the last year thinking about what's next. I asked you all to be patient while I considered those things. I gave up a lot during this time and in some ways, you all gave up something too. It's been nearly 8 months since Part I and some folks still haven't gotten the memo. I've had to tell numerous people no. I didn't like it, but I was standing firm on my decision to take some time out for me. Well, I've had the time I needed and I've finally figured out what's next. GREATNESS! In the meantime, while I'm cooking up that new new, I wanted to do something special for you all as a thank you for your patience and continued support.
Hate to leave you in suspense, but this is getting long...so, peep tomorrow's post for details. :D