I'm bakk. Still working on the shoes. I say I'm about 35% done. I'm STILL not sure how I feel about them, but I'm going to rokk them anyway. I've already pikked an outfit and everything. I'm excited. To finish something. To finally be done with these shoes. To have something new to wear. That's plenty. I'm also hungry, but that's for a different blog. Anyway, while I'm waiting on side one of shoe one to dry, I figured I'd write a blog. I've learned two big things (so far) during my hiatus this past month.
Thing 1: I can't be a housewife. I was thinking, "I could do that. I could be a housewife." Spend my days taking care of home. That's what I do anyway. Especially now, considering mommy's not able to help much anymore. But, up until recently, I always had my work too. Man, when I made a decision to stop painting, although indefinitely, tomorrow suddenly became very boring. I didn't have anything to look forward to BUT laundry and dishes. Cleaning and bills. Mommy doesn't even have her weekly doctor's visits anymore, which completely ended my weekly date with self. Womp and double womp. I didn't realize how much substance work was adding to my life. So, I've resolved to be a working housewife. Ha! Now...I just need a husband. :o)
Thing 2: I had aha moment. As mentioned, repeatedly, I've been some sort of miserable since I haven't been painting. And when I'd post it people would say "well, just go paint." But I had resolved not to do that, so I could take care of home. I was putting everything before what my mind/body/heart was telling me to do. GO PAINT! Granted some things couldn't wait, but most of them could. I hadn't really considered it until now, how much I'd put it on the bakkburner...for laundry. For grocery shopping. For dinner. For anything else that was important. But everybody that has a 9-5 still grocery shops. They still cook dinner. They still do laundry. They probably don't sleep much, and I do...but still. Why is it that I felt I couldn't do both? I was treating my profession like a hobby. Damn.
That blew my mind. I am so ashamed. I get so offended when other people act like it's a hobby...like I just do this for fun, when that's the way I've been treating it. Not that I don't respect my work, it's just that I'm always finding something more "important." If I didn't have an order, painting had to wait. It was me taking advantage of myself, the flexibility of working from home and being my own boss. I think the fact that I enjoy painting made it easier for me to do that. I was feeling like I was sacrificing something that made me happy to do some things that I needed to do. Something that I considered work. Like if it's fun, it doesn't count. Silly, silly SYM. *shakes head at self*
Well, now that I realized that, I'm going to do better. No, I'm not opening the store again. Not yet. I still have to prioritize and I can't fully commit to both. I can, however, commit to making time to create. To give my work the respect it deserves. To put it on the list of things that MUST BE DONE, whether I'm bombarded with orders or have time to simply work on something new. It makes me happy. It keeps me even. It pays the bills. It supports my family. I can't stay away. And that's the way it always should have always been. This is not a hobby. It just happens to be a job I like to show up to.